I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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