I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
