white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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