I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
