Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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