All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
