I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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