weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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