forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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