Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
