youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
