don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
