My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
