Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
