it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
