bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
