you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
