the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
