You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I just found puke in my bra..
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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