Soap is not a condiment
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
