Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
