My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
