apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
