Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
