i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
