i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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