Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
God gave him joint rollers for hands
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
How external is "for external use only"?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
