He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Randomize
