it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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