he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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