There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
you mean i was at the winter classic?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
