I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
