booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
