I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
