my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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