you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
