They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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