my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
