HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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