I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
so much tequila, so little girl.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.