Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
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you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
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I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.