you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.