This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
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She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
The pigeons can smell the fear
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He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?