Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
