So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
