Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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