i already hear my dad disowning me
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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