I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Randomize
