Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
