im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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