Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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