sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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