The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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