Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
