when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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