oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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