why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
