she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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