Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Randomize
