How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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