This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
