I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Randomize
