dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
It's never too late to be topless.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
