so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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