The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
