textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
