We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
