he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
