we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
