I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
