I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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