The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
