He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize