just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
