The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
