the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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