I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
