I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I want a musical about memes.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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