you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
