I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
