But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
