I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
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She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
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There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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