I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
