my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
In America we eat man semen.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
